The muse seems to have abandoned me both in my sketching and writing. Or maybe I abandoned my muse. Either way, it’s maddening. To say I’m in a funk creatively is an understatement. Trying too hard is never productive.
Getting into a different groove in this retirement phase has been a challenge. Not getting up and going to work as I did for the last 38 years has been enticing to say the least. I don’t have to, so I don’t. Or plan anything close to a schedule. Some of you may say “What’s the problem? I’d love that!” While it IS a nice problem to have, stagnation can be the result. It has been for me. I now understand why old people have specific meal times and days that they do certain activities. A schedule keeps them content. But, there’s stagnation in that too. No growth. THAT’S my dilemma.
There’s another thing too. I’m not sure anyone is even reading my blog. Can’t really blame them since I’ve been sporadic at best about writing. But even when I was writing regularly, I received very few comments. Like spitting into the wind or hitting my head against the wall, it felt better to stop than continue. If no one’s listening, why bother? Am I just adding to the cacophony of whiny voices out there? Or maybe, it’s simply a catharsis for me. Getting my thoughts out of my head and onto paper.
This isn’t a shameless appeal for comments. Well, maybe it is. Maybe, the blog format is dead and I haven’t realized that everyone has transitioned over to really long Instagram posts. Any thoughts? Ha! That’ll get a comment.
Despite the tone of this post, I am happy with my life now and the people I’ve been meeting lately. There’s promise on the horizon for getting involved in several areas of interest. Art, architectural preservation, photography and getting together with people to engage in stimulating discussions. And travel. More on that in a future post.
What has become very apparent over the past couple of years is I cannot coast anymore. It’s become harder to recover. I have to be vigilant of what I eat and drink as well as performing daily exercise because not using it means losing it faster. Mental stuff too. Daily consumption of political bullshit has affected me and I suspect has caused negative energy to expand around the globe. I’m acknowledging what I am thankful for and jettisoning what no longer serves me, concentrating on forward movement. Glancing occasionally in the rear view mirror to see where I was, but not letting the image distract me from what lies ahead.
Now where did I put my muse?